If only this is the place where I can say the truth,
without any prejudice I will say everything I feel.

Sunday, February 28, 2010


I once open a conversation whether woman these days are cheap or not? Some of the woman disagree and some said both, man and woman. As a conclusion, most men these days are cheap. Or to be specific, lack of quality. I've read the news that the number of divorces are increasing each year, and now the numbers have arrived to tens of thousands. The thing is, just now I've read an article about divorces on the newspaper. What I've read doesn't seem very relevant at all.

" A wife is getting a divorce because her husband forgot to buy her a meal. "

I mean, god, what's up with that. It's silly and stupid. Obviously a lame excuse. And the news said it is common, around 300-500 cases have those lame excuses.
What is wrong with people these days. Such a disgrace.

Friday, February 26, 2010


There is always a deeper meaning in every lyrics. Lets take one of the songs from the Killers.
It say, " Are we human, or are we denser. "

Humans, I've always wondered why god say that human was His finest creation. What so great about them anyway, why isn't the angels who always follow orders wasn't the omnipotent finest creation? Why human, they can die, angels can't. They rebel, they kill, they lie, they're vulnerable and weak. So why is it? That we humans to be called that. Even animals don't do horrible things like we did.

So you watch the news, or read the daily news. They never miss a section about murders, theft, robbery, rapes and such. What have the world become, no to be exact. What have we become these days. It's like The Darwin Theory but backwards. I've always wondered what drove these people to kill, steal and such. Don't they know Karma?? Our state of mind are more savage than an animal. If not physically harmed, there's always backstabbers, heartbreakers and such. Human can't be trusted that well, bribes, greed, and they always go crazy for money and sex. They can't keep promise, and they always think they're superior.

What habit, such behavior, we might go even lower than animals in the near future... So I'm asking again, are we human, or are we denser?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I've been following a korean drama, Master of Study lately. Basically about a student life, with their problems and all that. Financial problem, parent problem, and such things that life threw at them. These problems that drive students becoming a bad egg. The thing about this drama is that a lawyer help them, these problematic student to believe in themselves and chase their dreams.

The thing is, they show, a true meaning of friendship. How friends should always stay by your side, no matter how big the problem is. They seem so happy living a life like that. I know it just a drama, but I want that. I want that little drama in my life.

From my point of view, the theme is simply 'believe'. Because when you stop believing, everything starts to fall apart. So, don't stop believing.

Monday, February 22, 2010


Let say there's an apple on the table. It just lie there, fresh juicy red apple. You plan on taking it, after a moment you take it and eat it. You eat it, and eat it until it is finished. From the moment you took the apple, you have just created a future. And that future is, you have eaten the apple. But what if, you don't take the apple. Then suddenly someone pass by, take the apple and eat it. Therefore no future about the apple obtained. But what if you take the apple, eat it halfway and put it in a fridge, thus this one create an alternate future.

The point is, everything you do have an impact on the future. It might be small but still it is an impact. You didn't take the apple, big deal... meh... but you just have lost a future, its better if you take the apple wasn't it?

Let say you work hard for the exams, you guarantee your marks will be top-notch, lets say 10A+ . So you've made a plan for that; When I get that straight A's, I want to go study overseas. Therefore you have planned it that way. So you do anything to accomplish of what you have planned. So you take scholarships and such... But what if... you didn't get straight A's. You don't have a plan. What will you do, an alternate future has been developed there. And you don't have any plans at all.

Is there such use for Plan B? We often didn't come with any plan B at all, because we are so sure that everything goes on perfectly as planned, but the thing is, we're not omnipotent. We make mistakes, come to think of it, we are the only creature who makes mistakes. Animals don't make mistakes, or do they?

So what if your plan turn horribly wrong, what do you do then...?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Friday, February 19, 2010


I just watched Cyril Simply Magic and I was overawed by his talent. He is unlike any other magician. I mean, off course there are other magicians who's more radical than him like David Blane or Chris Angel who cheated death most of the time. But Cyril is different in a way, he's unique. I was simply amazed by how he see life. When I watch him performing his tricks I received two magic moments. One, is simply his Magic performance. Two, is the magic of life.

And I also would like to thank the videographer who shows deeply the expressions that those people have, it is very-very fascinating. And in his shows, he put some quote which really inspires me. He's the first magician whom I see break the boundaries between cultures unlike any other. Instead of seeing amazing tricks, I've also seen the colors of life that he shows at the same time. I'd never knew things could be so beautiful. I want to be like him, to be able to break boundaries. Congratulations Cyril Takayama, you're the first illusionist who had inspire me and showed me the true colors of life.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Now I know, another thing that always moved me. Crying....
When I see people crying, especially when they're happy. I felt moved, a fresh warm air flow in like water. Such shows like The Biggest Looser, or American Idol. These shows create dreams and fulfill them. In any way, some of the contestants will cry. Either filled with happiness or sadness it still moved me. Especially those strong people. I mean, I was petrified of what they're all capable of. All of them came from a different background and some of them had lived a harsh life. These so called 'ordinary' people doesn't seem ordinary to me, they're outstanding. They have inspire me in some way, so I guess that's put the truth in the sentence ''Perspire to Inspire''.
People with that strong emerging will had never fail to get me going, it makes me feel like I should be like them. Although it didn't last long but I just love looking at their hardships and at the end, it became a smooth sailing for them. Indeed, I like that very much. They were so happy at that moment, that they don't have any control of their tear duct anymore. Tears came out bursting from their eyes, and carved that smile on their faces. Oh god, I want that kind of tears. 'Tears of Joy' they say.

These people are like medicine to me, it heals my mood. It pumps my soul with that strong will of them. The moment they felt happy, I felt happy as well. Inspiration can come from anywhere at anytime...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


It calms me, the night air. With the stars above, I felt like I could use a breather. Quiet, and tranquilizing. With the wind linger across my body. As I inhale, I felt like time isn't moving. Like ecstasy. And as I exhale, It felt like like the world was with me, it felt like all of my problems flew together with the air.

Sometimes I just love to just sit and doing nothing. Even at shopping malls with my friends or family. Just sit there and watch time pass by. Most people aren't like me, they're such in a hurry with their ordeals. But for me, I felt like there is always tomorrow when I do that. Just sit and breathe doing nothing spectacular. People said it is such a waste of time, but for me, I felt serene.

Monday, February 15, 2010


Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window.

Dreaming of a could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
but when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway.

Out of the darkness into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway.

Yeah, that is what I wanted.

Saturday, February 13, 2010


Those who are near to me, often caught me daydreaming. But it isn't. I wasn't daydreaming. I may look like staring into blank space but actually my head was thinking and my mind observing. Although sometimes my mind does wander around places.

It is likely me to just sit and look at everything. Observing people, even by looking into their eyes, I can see how they feel at that moment. Stressed, bored, happy, sad. The things they're doing at that time fascinates me. It gave me a slight view of how their lives are.

It is quite intriguing how people were born in this world have different ways of seeing the world. Different perspective. And they are all vary. Even their lifestyle, their interests. That's what I like about the world. Just hope it lives for another ka-jillion years.

Anyways, I wonder how to know whether we are insane or not. A person with a screw loose might not know they're crazy. Sometimes you see them talk alone, maybe in their mind, they're talking to someone. Just like us, we talked to our friends. We see them right?
What if, we're the only one who see the person, talking to them. While others see us talking alone with ourselves. So how do we know that we're insane? Interesting isn't it. Or maybe insane people unable to control their mind. Maybe they're blacked out. Like in the sleep, only their body moves. Who knows.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


I see couples walking down the street, and teacher with her husband. Sweet isn't it? Especially in the near midst of valentine. I know Muslims doesn't celebrate that, but still, the scenery created by such event brings up a romantic feel to it.

As I walk on the pavements of the concrete jungle, surrounded by faces of many kinds. I felt like something is missing. My soul is hungry for something. Love is for sure but there is something else. And I don't know what it is. It is hungry for something that I do not know of.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I've read a lyric from a book which somewhat meaningful to most of us. So far as I remembered the lyric sound similar like this,

" Walaupun kamu orang kaya tetapi suka menggali Sampah. Teruskanlah, jikalau itu yang membuat anda gembira. Apa kisah kata orang lain. "

" Even if you're from a family of riches but you like to dig trash. Go on, if that what makes you happy. It doesn't matter what other people say. "

It shows you to be who you are right? You are rich, have a lot of money, you can be called senseless by digging up trash like a beggar. But still, if that makes you happy then go for it. It doesn't matter what people say. You are who you are. But don't go off becoming someone bad. Doing the things that could cause harm to others.

Someone once told me to, '' Get a Life ''. When someone said that to you, they meant for you to change your life, change your beliefs. They didn't agree with the lifestyle that you owned. You can either accept that and leave your life on their hands or you can say "This is my life, this is what I've chosen to be. This is how my life works. If you don't like it then why bother. You're the one who must get a life. "

Don't put your life in someone else's hand, guess what they've planned for you? Not much. You're the one who in control, don't let people interfere with your plans.

Just like the song said, why let anyone said bothers you. And Another thing, so you like to dig trash, and people call you weird, not normal. Then define normal.
How do you see normal, to me adult watching cartoons is normal, an adult being childish is normal. But for some, it isn't. Normal is a subjective thing like beauty. Then again why be normal?
Being normal is quite boring, no room for imaginations. You only go with the flow of reality. You sit there and watch your friends doing crazy things that oppose your view of normal. They're having a lot of fun aren't they. while you sit around and being 'normal'.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


" You walk into the store and you know you want a sweater and it has to go with this outfit, it has to be this color, and you'd like to be on sale. You find something great, but you wonder if there's something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect sweater - was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether if it's with women or sweaters... if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you'll keep looking, who wouldn't? "

Wow this full sentence just gave me a full slap on the face. It represents my mind right now.
She said it was a mistake single woman makes. I'ma dude, it doesn't make much difference.
I wonder should I buy that sweater now, or find a better one... darn it!! Gottlieb also said about going for the alpha males. Maximizer women date maximizer men. Maybe thats what I am... sigh. It's hard not to stop judging things...

Friday, February 5, 2010


Take a moment, ask yourself. What you are now. What you have become. A working men? A parent, a brother, a son, a wife, a husband. or Still the same old person. Or you don't realize that you've changed.

We, to become what we are now are dragged by influence. Our friends, families and environment.
For example myself, a Japanophilic, an artist was an influence of everyone around me. Like my friend, he never like to draw but after the influence of many aspects, he is now be able to draw. A friend of mine influenced me in the world of photography. Soon I bought myself a camera and started seeing the world in a different way. A friend of mine wanted to be a pilot, only to be influenced by a drama show.
But mostly is about friends. You see, your friends shape you. As you go on, influence by influence make way into your thoughts. If you have a friend that have been sad, then you'll become sad as well. If you had a happy-go-lucky friend, then you'll be apart of them as well.

It is interesting how certain influence can turn your life into a different course. So ask yourself, what have you become, what influence that cause you to be that way. Is it good? If it's bad then you'd get influenced in the first place.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


These are the moments where I just want to lay down beneath the night sky, inhaling the cold night air. Watching the dazzling star above. So calming and subtle. They are certainly marveling. No wonder Bella wanted to be an astronaut. It's a different world out there.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Do you know this guy? Well who doesn't meet him doesn't know. He used the term U2 KUMAR, I don't know whether thats his real name or a calling but certainly he is a trainer, a motivational coach, I guess. I didn't do much research on him. But I've attend one of his motivational lectures. To me, he is considered motivational, unlike any other motivational lecturer who only brags about how profound they can be.
He uses analogies which consider outstanding. He approach us in a different way. I post this not to raise him off the bar but to remind us that one moment he slip in on his lecturer.

He once said that he had a friend who is an Honor Student, and A Star student, an Elite Student. That friend of his have all the academic achievements. His personality, his chivalry, soon to be successful type of a person. One of those person who are confident, his future was already sparkling with luminous light, his future is at the palm of his hand.

Few years past, and U2 Kumar went out on the ordinary day at the McDonalds Drive-Thru when suddenly someone who looks familiar came knocking on the car window. Asking for money... It was him, that A star Student, the Honored Student, the ones who's future are bright. But now a beggar... a beggar, what went wrong..?

It reminds me, that we might get good grades but that doesn't mean our future is in our grasp. We might lose all that in a single wrong move, wrong choice. We can only plan but the one's on the higher ground, the omnipotent, god is the one who decides how our future will turn out.

We're all fine now, confident about the future doesn't mean we're fine always. Life is like a wheel they say, what goes up must come down. Good things eventually reach it's end.

And so we reach a point of misery, living poor. That doesn't mean we'll always be like that. We often take things for granted, and we often realize the true value of things when they are gone.

So don't brag about how bad your life is, or how good yours are. Eventually the tables are turned. Appreciate everything around you, your family, your environment, your friends. Pray for a better future not nag about it. I know I am one of those people. But I will try my best to keep up with my words.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Trust. Hard to come by isn't it? We go all out put that honest Trust on that person. But in the end our trust were never there the whole time. They are only wearing a mask portraying someone good, someone great, someone that could be trusted. In the end, we only got a knife pierced on our backs.

So who can really be trusted? The ones that never told lies, never cheats, never spilled the beans. I once read news about a young girl who had been sold as a prostitute by her father. When she grows up, she told her children not to trust anyone including the family.

How to survive in this world without someone to put our trust on. Schemers, liars and such. With trust, all things can happen. You asked your friends to take care of things when you were out, that person said that we can trust him/her. But in the end, you find stuff missing and such.
Even in near death situations.
How often you told your friends your secrets, once you've told them, automatically you have put responsibility to trust them. You mentioned to them it's between you and me only. But we don't know, behind our backs they have been whispering your secrets to others. They talked behind you.

They said to trust them, so we gave them the firm belief in their liability. But they can only plan, they're not the playmaker.

How often did you hear someone say, " Trust me..."
And how often did you put your trust on it.

Monday, February 1, 2010


At this moment everything entwines. Anger, sadness, happiness all twisted into something diabolical yet ravishing. yet hollow and empty. The more I dig, the more deformed my dream become.

I saw people with their smile, their life is full of vibrant colors. Full of energy and enthusiasm. I want that, I didn't even have a spark on my hollow soul. I have tried feeding it with music and such, but it only last a while to amuse this cold soul of mine. I wasn't living a life.

Just as I thought I was writing a new book, but I just realize. I was on the same page all this time.

Nothing more than a soliloquy of my distorted thoughts.


Changed the look of the blog.

It's funny everyone have their own perfect utopia. They're all differ.

As I watch, people are chasing their dreams. Intriguing, some people just don't know where to go while time and the others run pass them. Although, there are few kind people who stopped. But what can they do? We won't stand, there are times we just couldn't move on.


It sparks, a small one. Like clashing two stones together. Very intriguing.
On the last moon, a dream appear. Maybe I'm in over my head with my life right now. But I still couldn't see the threat that cause detrimental effect to my life. At this time neath the stars, I would just want to be there, or at least lie on the ground and just gave them a warm glance hoping for sympathy.