If only this is the place where I can say the truth,
without any prejudice I will say everything I feel.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Hello old friend, someone that have been abandoned for half a year, now in this silent night, I have the urge to write. Recently there are many things that have happened for the past few months, it is 2015 now, I am very close in getting my degree and venture into the so called 'real world'. I have lived until this day with no remorse, I have been positive in my thoughts and do things without a sense of regret, keeping it to fate and destiny if you believe in all that, but I do.

I have come back from a trip of self finding, I paid a visit to another country and in that visit I have become awe inspired. I am in wanderlust, I cam back home feeling silent and empty, for the first day I missed the food here, appreciating all the good taste of home. One day after another, feelings starts to blend, days passed and it feels suffocating. All the adventures that I had feels like a dream. I looked around there's only pictures and memories. I rise and fall, doing nothing productive, days passed and it have become lacklustre, the euphoria is gone and I yearn to go somewhere, to have another quest, another adventure. The adventure that have now become a memory. Looking back at the photos thinking, " is this me?, Is this my life?" After a hectic journey, I am now sitting in a corner getting adjusted to the pale environment. Blending with the crowd. No one knows what I've done, the experience that I had, it feels like I have never left. The feeling of telling the adventures that I had to the person next like a bard in a local inn. Now I have started looking and searching for a new adventure, a new journey. Looking at pictures of places and maps like I did when I was young thinking I one day I would go out, now I am here. The whole world seems to be a playground, there is so many places I want to go, need to go. This journey have shaped me into a different person, a different perspective and a different mind. If there is one thing that I could do everyday, is to travel.

Monday, March 3, 2014

I have not watched romance movies in a long time, I remember my previous was with the guys night out where we decided to choose a romantic movie. I watched 'Her' the movie where this guy fell in love with an artificial intelligence, a little late but something to fill my boredom on the first day of the new semester, I was at my bed with nothing to do. Watched it and it was a brilliant movie with a brilliant concept, after a while it made me think, it makes me sad on how much the movie can relate to me. I was this guy who always judge aesthetically, I might be a wee bit perfectionists. I have been single for over  5 years, love come and go, sometimes I've met people that I liked or even loved but never the will to say it to them, and sometimes people liked and loved me just as I like someone, all I have rejected, not because that I don't love them, but I was motivated that there is a better person somewhere out there, that in the future I would have this perfect girlfriend, and I know that it is impossible but I did, I did believe that predicament, that I've hurt people with feelings for me, that I've hurt myself. 
Come to think that I've always prayed to god to match me up with somebody's worthy, someone perfect, and I'm afraid that god had granted this wish of mine and I have rejected it, maybe across the people that I have denied love would be the right one and in the future that I live a happy life. It's like when you're out shopping and you found a lot of things that you've wanted but you can only spend on one, so you walked around thinking that there is going to be a cheaper price from what I wanted, the thing about love and life is that you can never go back, when things have passed it will pass. And you can only do either to forget or to regret. Another thing that you don't know is whether these choices you've made would be the right one. What it could have been if you went the other way around.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

We welcome you 2014, May you bring us prosperous joys and fill our dreams.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Year is nearing, this shall be the post to make a friend with the coming year. So many things had happened in the past year, ups and downs and certainly memories made. People come and go, travelers, strangers and friends alike. Won't be watching any fireworks, unless it appear tremendously huge lighting the night sky, maybe I can watch it from my apartment high up. I wonder what plans my friend had for the upcoming year.  As for same old resolution, n
ot much resolution to be had now, been occupied with work. Maybe sooner or later it will come, maybe enough motivation to get motivated to do stuff that is progressive. Another interesting news is that in 2015 another apocalypse prediction, we will see how it goes till then, hopefully the years ahead will be blessed. Maybe a lot of traveling and meeting new people and include experience new things. Things have been looking up or more to that I have looking things up, appreciating the little things and appreciating the moment, things that happen now rather than thinking about the future. All I can say is that cheers on the magic we have made. Maybe the years ahead brings us more magical moments.

Friday, November 15, 2013

" Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be, in your heart? 
and who can
say when the day sleeps, and the night keeps all your heart. "
Enya- Only time.

I stumble upon a beautiful masterpiece of the ear, a song by Enya simply find its way fitting perfectly on this lonely night. Here I ponder, typing sheepishly and asking myself numerous questions. A sad feeling, I was brought back to the past. Flashes of images sweeps through my mind. The days, the good old days when we were young. The crazy things we do. Where did all that go. Somehow somewhere along the way it just slips beyond our grasps. By the time now everyone has tread their own path. Changing things and simply move on. But I can't, I won't. I maybe considered to be filled with these appraises and applauses but it just won't cut it. I want to go back, going back to the memories, stay there a little longer, embracing the moment. The moments where we talk around about our future, and the long silent drives embracing the night, The adventures we had, somehow we were isolated now, pulled apart or just simply by our own will and wishes. Listening to this song and compressing all of this thoughts and images coming back and forth is simply tranquil, like the rain in the night. 
Dear friends, I miss you.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Dusting old memories, a sanctuary left to dust. I am revisiting. The urge to write is unbearable. A thought to share. Memorandum for the future. An anarchy for the thought. Likewise I am fine, making new friends. And old ones are still be remembered dearly. There are many thoughts clouding in the mind. Future related. Love and such.
Tonight a fourth attempt of proposal from another familiar faces. Another rejection given. For what am I feeling, i questioned myself, my sanity. Making quick decisions, sometimes I ponder whether it was the right choice I have made. It is certainly a gamble. Which we not know whether we have won or we have lost. Ecstasy in our present times, never felt the urge to wonder the prize we have taken or the things we have lost. At nights I always fantasized on how I could reverse time and chosen the other way around and wait to see whether the road not taken was a better worth. This gamble we take is certainly daring. One wrong choices will lead to another, A butterfly effect it seems. Thus, I wonder the decisions I made just now was the right one, or did I just lost and opportunity for a better future, or perhaps nothing had change. I sometimes wonder whether god almighty had answered my prayers or it is just me who just rejected a 'gift', something I wanted all along.
Reminds me of a story about a guy drowning and a boat passed by to help, but he refused and said "God will help me." Even after many people lending a hand. Then he died, went and see god and asked why didn't you save me. The irony of god replying, "I sent you three boats to help but you refuse." It makes me ponder whether my egoistic self consume my rational way of thinking. However it is, we just don't know the gamble we did, what we had lost and gain.

Monday, February 18, 2013

It is in the midst of night, but the sky flashes bright with fireworks and loud bangs knocking off alarm cars. It is  the chinese new year and people are sleepless celebrating it. With their reunion dinner and such. Speaking of reunion. It has been years since me and my closest friend were apart. We were all busy with our own roads and it seems I have been switching lanes between buddies. Recently I was close to a group of friends, the crazy ones just like before. New profound friends and sometimes I felt like I have neglected the old pals. And even the ones I've known since child have lost contact completely and to add that I am not likely have the 'socialize perk'. I am not the one who would start a party or make a gathering plans, I was the person who follows where the crowd goes. I was thinking, what if our paths crossed again, which is no doubt it will. I honestly don't know how to react to this situation, should we talked about the weather? Will it be a long conversation, and awkward ones or just the loudest silence.

I have been lectured regarding responsibility recently and i have to admit it is painfully true. I am not a responsible person or that I am afraid of responsibility, the effects of being blamed. It is inevitable. I want to become responsible but most times I just cant or just lazy to face it. I'll just leave it to my procrastination side of me.

Finally, I will be continuing my studies in the field of arts in parts of places that I am not really fond  off. A place so remote and quiet and I cant even see life. I just hope everything will turn out in a good way. I just have to count my blessings and make some lemonades since life gave me lemons to do some. I will try to make the best out of it.

I was hoping I would met 'the one' there or wherever love may find me.