VOLATILE

" Ada penjual burger yang berjaya, Suami saya ambil SPM 4 kali, sekarang dah berpangkat tinggi.

Jangan stress, Just Do it! "

-Head Counsellor-

I believe failure and success have passed on me all the time, switching roles that they played only for one purpose. Move Forward. Failure is success turned inside out. In my life, I believe that what you give is what you get.

Have you ever encounter a feeling describing words like, is it worth it? What were you doing right now, are they beneficial. Are they worth of your time.

Most of the students I've asked about their future is mostly about money. Yes, money makes the world go round but I've learned that money can't make you happy. The thing that can make you happy is love, doing the things you love, looking at the things you love, being with someone you love WILL make you happy. Money is just an essence to obtain the things you love.

And love is another thing to start of...

CELLPHONE

I am so falling in Love with this phone! But there are some casualties though, it's on the internet. I guess there's possibility that I couldn't get it, and it is also very expensive.

I really hope I can get this phone, I don't mind secondhand. I want it, I want it, I want it!

DOOM

Around 5 weeks and still going. The nearer the SPM the more unlikely the scene to be match. I saw people sleep, playing the Rubiks cube, chattering, singing like the SPM had ended. Today, there is so much random talk.

Miss. Z said that we must repeat Physics, very funny indeed. Blame the Ministry, it's like a debate in our class. But most of people talked about the future. You know, 20 years later and such. They discuss about ambitions and dreams. The funniest part is about making love and marriage and The worst part is the 2012 apocalypse. Yes we talked about that today. People start to giving opinions and considerations about it. Not just the Muslims but other religions as well. By looking at the state of the world right now, there is always possibility. But I find doomsday might be quicker, maybe around 18/11/09. And off course it is common sense to prepare for the worst.

SYAWAL

A letter arrive from my cousin, a card sending good wishes, and sending luck for the upcoming tests. But one paragraph in her letter that I personally hate and always evade of.

She wrote;

" There's a lot of things we have been thru all dis time. x lme lg, msg-2 ikut hala tuju hidup msg-2. Dah x cam biasa. So, I believe after dis we won't be able to meet each other much like always."

There, the farewell part. I know one day, all of us will arrive at the junction of life. Each and everyone of us will follow their own road. Leaving most of the things behind as a sacrifice.

Why must there be that road of selfishness. The road which only one of us will follow. I'm sure we will adapt to that road, but aren't we missing something?

The eid doesn't seem to hold as much festivity like it usually does. I am still being traumatized by those past tragedies. If only I could turn back time. My life were not at peace after the incident.

Fireworks burn your money, it could burn houses, it could kill. It appear for a short while and it disappear. But why most people still spending huge sums of money to buy fireworks?

I bought this using my Raya money out of curiosity. I've always wondered why most teenagers and adults collect these models. Not just that, some spend hundred of dollars buying these so called toys. But now I know, it's not the model that intriguing but the process of making it. I spent most of my days assembling these fragile dolls. No wonder many were sold at a high price. There are very delicate, even the planwork was 6 pages long. The Gundam lost an arm, yup, very delicate.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27th 2009.

I missed acap's open house because I was not feeling very well today. And so I went to the clinic. There were so many people there, with different expressions on their faces. I met my old Japanese neighbour, her daughter is very friendly. Sabrina is her name, I had so much fun with a stranger at a clinic today. So innocent and dainty, her mother is very beautiful as well. There were those Eid concerts airing on TV. The girl even memorize our Raya songs, and not just one of them. Even I, whom 17 years had lived in Malaysia never ever once completely memorize the song. But a 7 year-old, so how could I not be ashamed of myself. But thats not the point.

The point is, how was I when I was a kid? Am I as friendly as Sabrina? I find it hard to socialize with adults and children, I spend my days being alone with myself. Now I am a grown adult, I've changed, maybe when I was little I used to talk a lot and now I am being cocky and quiet. I wonder how other's looked at me, are they still looking at the same old kid or a complete stranger. I don't want to welcome such change.

EID

Here I would like to wish all 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri'. Saya menyusun 20 jari (termasuk jari kaki) memohon maaf dari segi luar atau dalam jikalau ada kesalahlakuan,keterlanjuran kata, or anything that you find repulsive sama ada secara langsung atau tidak langsung. Sori yeh!

Semoga peperiksaan SPM tahun ini diberkati dan suci daripadda dosa-dosa dan juga hidup berbahagia didunia dan di akhirat. Have fun!

TRIAL

It's not the eid and it's feels like the end. Damn, although so much I enjoy these events but lately some part of my life is not complete. A series of infamous deaths. I guess time heals. The trial is over, all the suffering have ended. People can get back to sleep now. Although I admit that I wasn't serious about this examination, so I can expect my result to fall but with flying colors. By celebrating the end of fake SPM we organized a fake eid open house. We celebrated eid early.

A person once told me to take as much experience before marriage, you won't have time to do this often. I guess there's that truth in it. Playing fireworks reminds us about our childhood eh? Singing indian songs, watching scary movies, laughing together, experience together. I felt alive back then. Now we've grown up and still aging, I can already see how one day we will laugh to these special moments. There were those moments that stood us like we are a family, feels like a family. But one day a bird must leave it's nest. Sigh, must there be farewells.

VIOLENT

War is over, in every war there's every death. Most of our comrades die in the cold battlefield. Some run away. But sooner or later the truth will appear, and we have to get ready for the next red alert.

Oh! Today Lee and Al said that if you eat too much sushi then you will get worms in your brain.

I couldn't accept the fact and I am also a sushi lover, so I did my research on the internet. Off course the internet is hollow on it's truth and lies. So I open up many related articles and facts. And Sushi Worm is untrue. Thank you scientist for proving that or I never eat sushi again (maybe).

I've looked up two cases which the 'victim' were suffering from ingrown hair that led to maggots in the brain. The other one is a Japanese whom likes to eat raw food but the worm in the brain is caused by the scalp cancer. But there are some truth in it. Tapeworms that came from raw food can be harmful to your stomach but not your brain. Sushi works otherwise, it enhance your brain skills, it makes you smart not make you stupid.

From my side of analysis, come to think that the Japanese eat sushi everyday and till today they still hold the title for one of the most healthiest people and least death percentage.

So there's nothing wrong in eating sushi. You know what other things that can improve your dexterity? Games.

It's been a long time since I have played any video games, I miss the moments where we used to hang out at Amin's, cooking burgers and playing video games all day. There's so many things that I want and couldn't get a hand off. Sigh...

DEATH

I knew this would happen one day. Today I've lost something dear to me. She had always stood up for me, and I betray her for being a suspect of death. I should have been wiser. I had spent my whole evening trying to save her. I even go as far as cutting up her body just to save her. The ounces and sweats, but all in vain. She's now in a coma, I pray to god, hoping that she would wake up. She had always been a companion in my memories, always. But still, I felt that she could survive, I felt like there's a small light wander aimlessly in her core. Or I have lost hope and couldn't accept the fact that it is all my fault. I need her, don't take her away from me. She completes me...

She passed away at 9:48PM, Wednesday, September 16 2009.

R.I.P

CHEMISTRY

You know, we have been this far. We could not reach this point without a helping hand, a catalyst. Even we don't realize it, but there is something that is pushing us. Sometimes it exceeds it's limit. But with that catalyst, we strive. That catalyst could be a certain someone, or something but for certain it is a push for us. Nevertheless, we didn't thank them, but a catalyst is a catalyst. Not all elements can have all the same catalyst. The catalyst can't be taken easily, sometimes they took a long time for the rate of reaction to complete and some in an instant and also sometimes the catalyst does not match. So the reaction won't work, failed experiments. But then again, there is the negative catalyst...

ADMIRE

Today I have no exams except for arts, so I spend my whole day reading novels and listening to Syara's history. What could I say from her past lives? If I could summarize I would label it as respect. She sometimes overreacting and always being rude but she can survive the so called real world. I am a man and doesn't even have the guts to do what she always does. Syara the Al Capone of Section four. I realized that I didn't prepare enough for the trial and so for the SPM, eventhough unprepared, I still want to be done with it as fast as I could.

Back home I had been lectured by my parents, they always make fun of me. But they could somewhat be inspiring.

Mom: " Afiq doesn't have any talent."

Dad: " It's not about talent, it's about passion."

Yes passion, I found it harder to paint using a brush then to paint using a pen tablet. I guess I must have been lacking passion in painting. But I always had fun doing arts together with my friend, especially Osyin. He always tells many great stories. It's funny how I admire certain people with certain talents.

VIDEOS

These are couple of videos that I found good links to the events that happened in the past years.

LOOPY

It's already September, have done it right all this time.? The nearer the papers the more questions appeared in my mind. I can't draw like I want it to be, I can't read as it is, I am sleeping while I am awake! The fear had come again but only this once, but I know how to get rid of it. I've learned from fear itself. But there is something that is preventing me from doing it. Sometimes I feel like all the things that I have done in my past were useless, or is it? I still couldn't find the brighter side of life. Spending days and days with useless rant. Thinking about the possibilities that life holds. Praying to god with such details. And so life replies to me with it's mesmerizing stare. And so I lost again in it's beauty.

" Be more open minded okay...! "

Today I saw something supernatural, I saw this man with a screw loose. Not just me, everyone around. He is nude... in public. A horrific sight doesn't it? Imagine that. Is that normal? How do you define normal. Osyin and I had always like to draw pretty woman. And we tend to draw them to be as perfect as possible with curves and beautiful breasts. Sometimes we compete on who makes the bigger boob. And with that some woman will yell ," Pervert!" and some would say, " Chill la bro, normal kan." As you can see, some people are offended by different things with different aspects. Their view of life reflects what consequences that life will give in. Some people tend to take things seriously and some don't. Why is that? What is normal anyway, they say why be normal? Is that a good thing? Is nudity normal?

As an art form yes, but what I have seen is not to be called art. The chinese workers were laughing and a driver in a car kept on honking. I wonder if a children saw that. Funny or a pity...

LUCK

Ah, yes. I bought them all. There are so many temptations that appeared in this exam week. I just can't stop myself from being distracted by them. Yeah, I know. Exams... important and all but my mind had not put it into it's study mode. Sometimes I feel like luck is with me, but is it there? How'd you know when you feel lucky? It's hard when Luck only come to you when you least expected.

CAMERA

Tadi Shamsul Ghau-ghau berada di bazaar ramadhan seksyen 6 melakukan shooting untuk rancangan TVnya. Semua nak masuk TV, semua ikut je mamat camera tu, makin lama makin ramai yang ikut. Tahun ni banyak betul aku encounter ngan camera ni. TV9,TV3, Animax pun ada. Macam best je kan.

WALL

Today starts the exam where we have to experienced it by hand. We have to sit in the hall combined by three classes. I felt alive and calm there, I can see every single of my friends. It is easy to have a talk with them since the boundary that blocked us have been cleared. It's like a reunion, everyone were meeting each other telling stories. It's like it had been a whole year since we last met. I like it... I guess time flies and left us around two months for SPM. It's kinda nerve-wrecking, not the SPM but the future that lies ahead.

FACE

Two weeks before eid and shops had already hung the raya banner, raya commercials also had been aired on TV. The weather seems to be chilly lately, and many events seems to fade. I don't feel Ramadhan, it doesn't have the same feel like before. Even the Merdeka celebration seems to be pale. I bet Raya will be gray as well. Is it the cause of SPM?

I don't like SPM, it stands for Farewell and it limits all the fun things that you can do. The teachers always mention about us leaving school next year. Don't they feel sad? I guess that is their job and that what they do, they have adapted to that situation. But us, preparing for the real world, facing the greatest problems. The trials doesn't co-op with me, things aren't as serious as it would be. Well, I hope that things will go well. Soon we face adulthood and experience one of those so called mid-year crisis. Sigh...

BOARD

I was bored so I did this. This is an unfinished project. The thing is, the word in the speech bubble couldn't be seen if the image is small. Suggest me on how to edit the frame of the picture if you wanted to put on the whole page. I want to have a look at the edited pictures of 5A's and 5B's.