At times I wonder what is the purpose of this and that. Why does it happen and why am I am always involved in the problems that my social circle make. There were times I felt really angry, and some moment I felt disgust with what is all that happening around me. A few moments I endure pain which is uncertain, not to the heart but to the head. It is like gears and bolts in my brain never put to rest, always go back and forth on the same ordeal. Thus it leads the body is such distress, strain and unsettling nerves. I am thinking about what I am thinking.
" Forcing laughters faking smiles, same old tired lonely place, walls of insincerity. "
There were phases where I felt the world was not in order, where the system does not cope and when the laws were breakable. Maybe it is just that this city is corrupted, and I am living in a corrupted system, enforced by corrupted laws, and forcing me to corrupt.
But there are also phases where It felt calm, secure and at peace.
Maybe this is just a test to see where I can put my head in order. Organizing my life back, and restore the peace within. Maybe I've just got to smile more.'