ここは唯一の真実を言える場所なら、
偏らずに自分の思いを全て言います。

If only this is the place where I can say the truth,
without any prejudice I will say everything I feel.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


I've just watched wreck it ralph today, and disney's animations never failed to leave impact me in a way most animations cannot. The character Vanellope is so adorable. Another to add to the list of interesting characters. Almost made me teary eyed at most parts. But the movie reflects me in a way which are 'tired', 'change', 'gratitude', 'unfair'.

The way the main character Ralph gets tired on living his life forcibly as the bad guy gets envious of the hero who have been treated with grace and medals. Jealousy makes ralph wanting to change his life, against what he had been programmed. But the effect of his doing gets everyone in trouble. But it is unfair to begin with. ditched and neglected. Which he met eventually someone with worse fate. Which managed to have enthusiasm and be strong when the world itself against it. And in the end it ended with gratitude in what he had before.

If I applicate the cartoon animation to real life. I want to change my life, I want to see the world and meet different people like the character did, interesting people, people with stories and experience to share, and it will definitely embedded into my brain and hopefully with enough experience to learn from life and be grateful that I am still breathing, still able to do things.

p.s: just a reminder to you when you look back.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013


 " I know there are people who say all this things don't happen. I know that this will be stories someday, but right now we are alive and in this moment, I swear we are infinite. "

Quoted from the movie "Perks of Being a Wallflower."  One of my favorite from 2012. Today on the other hand is the 1st of january 2013, a year older. Survived another end of the world predictions. This new year's eve does not seem to feel the way as it is. We didn't have any new year celebrations, everyone were far apart and busy with their own ordeals. We just sat in our room and do things just like any other day except that the sounds of fireworks chimes through the walls and colorful lights fills the black sky. How time runs like life is a race.

I was the same as I was, Personal preferences to me new year resolution aren't necessary at a certain date. I will make it as I go through life. But new year always gave me that feeling of change, and chance. When the clock strikes 12 and the lights marks the night, I feel that an opportunity has arisen. Like you are welcoming something into yourself. But it is a good feeling nonetheless.

I have been staying at home doing regressive deeds for a while and always pondering whether to get a part time job. I always feel lazy and procrastinate when I have the chance to. I felt burdened spending a whole lot of money that was not earned by me. But I am doing a slight progress, like going to the gym, maintains the distance to god and do some side business related. But it is not enough, I still feel empty.
It is kind of hard to get happy nowadays, I don't know what I want exactly, what to feed this thoughts of mine. I ponder on what I like to do when I was younger. I've tried but it feels the same. I want to blame it on Bipolar Disorder but I've tried my best to avoid that.
If you would to understand my feelings, a piece of motion art have described it perfectly.

A lot of loss

My status now is that I am still waiting for a call to continue my studies to a degree level. While mentioning that, a chinese businessman I met recently told me that study is a waste of time and that I should work instead and start from there. I've been holding on to that thought for a little while now. I'll just follow where the river takes me.

I guess that it is for the start of a new book. And here you are reading fragments of my thoughts. Welcome two thousand and thirteen.