DESPITE

Past few weeks have been rough mentally, I could get crazy if this phase keeps up. Despite some lectures with heavy-ish UK accent, he really do reminds me of harry potter. And some teachers who is cool enough to my standard, " I am the law." he quoted. Should I say, that my life is in too much drama. Perhaps too much... :/

Despite;

The state of my mind have been in topsy-turvy. Even people who went in there could get lost, there's so many things going around my head. It won't stay still and went in their rightful order.

And there is this state of the heart, which is in much worse condition. I just couldn't think straight anymore. It's getting hard for me to see what's right and what's wrong. I am blinded with love... yes, I have fallen in love... I think...

Gah, I am thinking too much stuff that is unrelated. It drove me crazy, and now I'm listening to Gnarls Barkley, what else. Crazy..

FULL

I'd always imagine my life in someone else's. Interesting fact that someone else imagine their lives on mine as well. Us humans never satisfied with whatever they've got, always have this envious feelings towards others. Always claim the perspective of, " If they can why not me, and ended up saying.

" Some people have all the luck. "

I admire those who lives great lives. And to say that they live life the fullest. I still don't understand the term 'full'. What does that mean actually, does full means living your life without wasting time or make the best out of your life?

And so I have stepped onto the other phase of life, which is really hard to accept that it went humdrum. Far from what I imagined, far from what I expected. It knocked some sense to me that I have to make decisions on my own sometimes and having to move on. But this is life, it won't always follow your orders, it can turn inside out when you least expected. But I guess I'll make the best of it for the moment.

And so I never stop complaining about my own life and still hoping that it becomes like one of those people who live life the fullest. Or maybe I'm just too hedonistic...

CHILDHOOD

Besides the recurring Toy Story theme of no toy is to be left behind, this time it also about the bittersweet of letting go, growing up and moving on, all the while leading us down memory lane, and what a jolly good ride for the generation who didn't grew up a with a PSP eternally attached to our fingers! What a hoot and nostalgia seeing Ken and Barbie! I mean, some of us made hem smooch before! Oh not me though, I never had a Ken :P

-Yappie-

A friend of mine once asked,

" When does a childhood starts and when does it ends. "

few answers came out, some said we experience childhood twice, when we were a child and when we became parents. And some said, childhood lasts forever.

Childhood are some moments do they? Well for the less fortunate, might be a little daunting, with abusive parents and all that. But they are mistakes of life and can be made a lesson when we grow up.

Letting go, growing up and moving on. I would say without a doubt are the hard parts of life. I kinda hate this part right here, where I have to leave behind things that I care and move on. We are aging , all of us are. Might, soon to be bloated, silver hair or maybe bald with wrinkles carved and etched on our faces marks us as scars of our battles. We will face hardships worse or at ease and experience new.... experience of course. Soon what we see on film and tv becomes reality. We shall face the future with disdain, because we do not know what lies ahead and hope that our meets won't be the last. Sitting on a stool at those 'Kampong' houses, villages and what not reminiscing the plight of our days, telling tales and our hardships from the generation to generation.

And I couldn't imagine the future where our grandchildren may live. Should I say PSP eternally attached to our fingers?

WISHES

Bella said she wanted to be with the stars in outer space because she couldn't stand the cruel world.

Dzmah said she wanted to stop time so that she could take a breather.

Farah said she wanted to be a bird so that she could roam the sky with her wings.

Razi wanted to go to the past so that he could repair all the mistakes he have done.

Afiq wanted to built a world of magic because real life is tragic...

2020

I am reminded about what the teacher said the other day. About how we grow to see what lies beyond.

The year 2020 supposedly to be the year where my country will become like Japan we have here today. Modernity... What we imagine now won't be impossible in the future maybe before this someone's been dreaming on having communications wherever you are or being all around the world and still being at home. Thus, cellphones and internet that we have here today.

Now we have these amazing gadgets, such as the iPhone or the PlayStation 3. Imagine 10 years from now, 2020. What would it have been, by that time I would be around 28, still young.

But anything can happen right, even now with the globalization era with all the wars and earthquakes. Can mother earth withstand another 10 years. With all of the corrupted sins burden against it.

SERVICE

National Service have ended. I still can't believe that I cry like hell at the closing ceremony. Sad, sad, sad I've been missing the prison ground a lot. I've learned so many valuable things there that I'd never knew. I've learn so many things that I could never imagine learning outside. But this is life, the up and downs of it, the so called roller coaster, the so called 'wheel'.

Now I am home, back to the sanctuary. I still cannot see what lies ahead, but now I felt like my old self is gone, a new leaf is born. I felt that whatever I am doing will lead me somewhere, our next destination. 'Just do'.

Enough with the ranting monologue. I am back, hopefully with more updates on this dusty old diary.

PAYMENT

Lately I've been busy thinking and not being myself that I have lost sense in blogging but now I can control part of it and trying to put all those pieces together slowly, and hopefully it will complete the puzzle.

How often do you hear someone say, " Nothing in this world is free. "

Even the air you breathe, is not free of charge. You may not pay it with money or gold but in a different abstract way and still it is not free.

In my life I believed in 'Equivalent Exchange'. You know, like barter. I believe that everything you do have its own price. As you can clearly see that us humans are given an ability to choose unlike angels or animals, and our life off course are full of risk and choices. One wrong move can turn your life topsy turvy in humdrum.

So whatever you have like comfort and riches that you always take for granted will expire unless you made the 'payment'.