I took a peek at danny choo's blog, and some other well known people. Envy is the right word for it, how people get lucky and living the famous so called 'successful' utopia. Just now I've been thinking about myself. Am I on the correct road. Whether the things that I have done all this time was worth it. I've got nothing less than inspiration and motivation but sometimes I felt like it wasn't there at all. When I look at how their life has become I felt like they were too hard to beat. I know I can, but with my corrupted self I got beaten with a long shot. I know I should have accepted the challenge but I'm demurred, I succumb. Lately I've been confused by emotions and my passions. I try asking myself what I like the most, but I couldn't answer it well. Just as I thought I were at peace but no, I couldn't see the war that goes on in my life, or am I trying to deny it all this time.
But there were also a few seconds that I feel alive for no exact reason, I felt very optimistic but it fades after a few seconds. Am I thinking too much? It is hard to stop myself from thinking unnecessary things. I always have doubts in everything, what if, what if, what if... I am tired of
'What if'. It's like there's another person inside me telling me that. But this is me, the typical me. The so called perfectionist, an enigma. I observe and try to understand and feel people. But unable to understand myself. Too much complicated of an enigma that I fail to solve my own riddles.