ここは唯一の真実を言える場所なら、
偏らずに自分の思いを全て言います。

If only this is the place where I can say the truth,
without any prejudice I will say everything I feel.

Monday, December 28, 2009

ENIGMA


I took a peek at danny choo's blog, and some other well known people. Envy is the right word for it, how people get lucky and living the famous so called 'successful' utopia. Just now I've been thinking about myself. Am I on the correct road. Whether the things that I have done all this time was worth it. I've got nothing less than inspiration and motivation but sometimes I felt like it wasn't there at all. When I look at how their life has become I felt like they were too hard to beat. I know I can, but with my corrupted self I got beaten with a long shot. I know I should have accepted the challenge but I'm demurred, I succumb. Lately I've been confused by emotions and my passions. I try asking myself what I like the most, but I couldn't answer it well. Just as I thought I were at peace but no, I couldn't see the war that goes on in my life, or am I trying to deny it all this time.
But there were also a few seconds that I feel alive for no exact reason, I felt very optimistic but it fades after a few seconds. Am I thinking too much? It is hard to stop myself from thinking unnecessary things. I always have doubts in everything, what if, what if, what if... I am tired of
'What if'. It's like there's another person inside me telling me that. But this is me, the typical me. The so called perfectionist, an enigma. I observe and try to understand and feel people. But unable to understand myself. Too much complicated of an enigma that I fail to solve my own riddles.

11 comments:

Servant of Allah said...

you know right,
every corner of life has guile,
everything that happen has a reason,
up, down and twist is the way of life, right..??

I think there are someone like you,
who are perfectionist, and so on..
they telling the same thing,
Fortunately you have something or someone to tell to,

I think if you accept it as it is,
it might turned out better than feeling down every single time you thinking about it,

'I'm not a professional counselor or anything, just my opinion'

= )

Enigma said...

thank you, It is still hard. ;c

Servant of Allah said...

not all things are easy aren't they...hahaha

Enigma said...

in fact there's nothing easy in this world. ;)

Servant of Allah said...

there might be something easy...
you said that because you didn't found one...= )

Enigma said...

I said what I said, its a fact everyone agrees. ;)

Servant of Allah said...

it's up to you...but if someone says to you to lift your hand...it's easy right..

same goes to something that is easy..hard to you, easy for others...

everyone agrees on the thing they find hard...'Allah maha berkuasa'
there must be something easy...'Allah maha mengasihani'...
tk kan sume bende kat dunia nih susah, mesti ade satu bende yg senang dalam infiniti bende yg susah...

Enigma said...

try asking a baby to lift it's hand?
It is hard at first, it go easy when we learn and adapt and experienced it right?
Try to look at my point of view first. I'm not that straightforward ;)

Servant of Allah said...

ye lah...ape yg ko ckp tuh dh terbukti ah...ade bende yg senang kat dunia nih...

and knape ko ckp "I said what I said, its a fact everyone agrees."

ko tulis cam ko nk ckp kat aku, tk de bende yg senang...bagi bayi memang ah susah nk angkat tangan, tp nk wat die nangis snang jer...so, there is something easy out there, don't just mention "in fact there's nothing easy in this world.'

am I wrong again, or you just think that you are right where nothing is easy...

"hard for you but easy for other"
-it's hard for a baby to lift hand, but easy for you, there's the easy part, not all thing in this world is hard...

Enigma said...

EVERYthing's hard to do. period
Unless you know how. ;)

Servant of Allah said...

so, there's still easy thing out there right...
when you know how to do it..it's easy, then what...

it shows that not everything is hard,
there will be something easy...

and the fact now and always is,
not everything is hard...there must be something moderate and easy and of course hard..it's the way of life, you said it infinite times and more, there is no such things as "everything in this world is hard"

just remember HIM,
if you stuck on thinking the future in the world, yes, everything seems hard, and you might say that in heaven is still hard and no total freedom...

it's what HE wants,
we just cant deny it...
"allah maha adil"
so, he will set everything according to balance and justice...
there is easy, there is moderate and there is hard...

again, I'm not a professional lecturer or counselor..
but knowledge is random,
even aristokrat sometimes needs advice from slave..