12

Today after 12 marks the end of our plight as a teenager. The time to become the young adult is near. Sadly I fail to fulfill this year's resolution. 'To live without regrets.' Unfortunately, I regretted as much as the next person.

But still this year is worthwhile, filled with festivals of emotions, the carnage of life. People come and go. The slim Asslam do stir quite good news for him, everyone was talking about him, it does show that his hardwork for the year's resolution. People change along the way, and some still remains the same. No matter how you talk it, it just wont budge. We have done so many together, with friends nor foes. A new friend gained, and a new enemy encountered. Some had gotten their university letters. I'm worried if things doesn't turn out on what have we planned. But still we made it, this year.

I watched Oprah when Taylor Swift gave her guitar to that kid, Jordan if I'm not mistaken. I love her expression. And so as the other episode of Oprah, the expression of happiness. Yes, I want that expression appear on my face.

After hours of re-reading past blogs, it shows the way of life. The life that I have been living all this time. Thank you guys, thank you. Thanks for the memories that we had, you all have guide me to what I am now. I can't live without you guys, empty and pitiful. I've experienced it first hand.

It has been a long time since I wrote poems, so spontaneously I end this year's post with one.

And so as the fallen will ponder on the zeitgeist of this time.

By the time the clock strikes 12, we all waltzed around the floor, cheeringly.

The earth smiles with its gesture, the sun glare at the humans so they can squint, and so the moon reflects it as it might.

The crimson sky are lighted by the flames of humanity, still blinded by the black ash of the future.

And just before the clock strikes 12, people gathered to do what they can, to see what they can, to say what they can.

In numbers they're shouting, by words they're singing, by hearts they're saying.

At this moment people started to smile, assuming that the past is dead, cheeringly they anticipated this day, just this.

To call what's fair, to keep or to leave behind. Just so they will be lighter traveling onto the road that they built altogether by themselves.

And seconds till the clock strikes 12, some people are still at war, some people still crying in their beds, some wouldn't bother, some in starvation, some in their deathbed. So what's make this day as fair as the other? We'll see what happen when the clock strikes 12.

Happy new year guys, live a good life shall we?

FORMSPRING

Yay! Got myself a formspring. Since I like answering questions.

Kudos to MakTeh and Busukk.

ENIGMA

I took a peek at danny choo's blog, and some other well known people. Envy is the right word for it, how people get lucky and living the famous so called 'successful' utopia. Just now I've been thinking about myself. Am I on the correct road. Whether the things that I have done all this time was worth it. I've got nothing less than inspiration and motivation but sometimes I felt like it wasn't there at all. When I look at how their life has become I felt like they were too hard to beat. I know I can, but with my corrupted self I got beaten with a long shot. I know I should have accepted the challenge but I'm demurred, I succumb. Lately I've been confused by emotions and my passions. I try asking myself what I like the most, but I couldn't answer it well. Just as I thought I were at peace but no, I couldn't see the war that goes on in my life, or am I trying to deny it all this time.

But there were also a few seconds that I feel alive for no exact reason, I felt very optimistic but it fades after a few seconds. Am I thinking too much? It is hard to stop myself from thinking unnecessary things. I always have doubts in everything, what if, what if, what if... I am tired of

'What if'. It's like there's another person inside me telling me that. But this is me, the typical me. The so called perfectionist, an enigma. I observe and try to understand and feel people. But unable to understand myself. Too much complicated of an enigma that I fail to solve my own riddles.

THIS

" Life like this, that's the way it is."

A famous lyric quoted by avril lavigne, the famous internationally known pop star. Life has been stale, pale or whatever suits your boat. I have all the time, but it is gray with an environment like this. Seeing parents buying school uniforms for their children always give me that hard slap of reality that I have grown up. As everyone said, I love to observe my surrounding. Especially the human behavior which interest me. People can change along the way, not all of them on the right course. Sometimes we doesn't realize that we have change even when 10 people said that, we still find a way to deny it. Changes are common in life, which had created a sort of phobic which drowns humans as ourselves to fear.

I've read the news about the hair issue at the neighbouring country, I can't believe there exist such people. Sigh, honestly I miss you guys like hell, well what can I do. Life like this that's the way it is.

HONOR

I have to prove something to that person...

CHANGE

I find it hard to talk to people, especially strangers. I hate changes that occur in the present life. I didn't like to see so many unfamiliar faces. But there are times when I see those faces who looked so familiar to me. At that moment I try to figure out who that person is. There are also situations such as unfamiliar faces that knows me well. There was once a woman asking if I am Afiq, turned out she's the one taking care of me when I was a small child. Sound silly... but it often happen. Yeah Life is so much boring when your friends not around, and it is hard to expand that cycle when you're anti-social. Sometimes I just blank and don't know what to say. It is very awkward.

Changes in life is both predictable and unpredictable. It also holds positive value and also the negatives. I have this fear of change, that is why I am scared of the future. It is because of changes or maybe how hard it is to adapt to new situations. The point is, I need to change, to socialize more and at the same time to keep apart from corrupted people. Hope that I can discard this fear.

RIDDLE

A few days ago I dreamt about us traveling in Africa. Bella, dzmah, was there. I didn't remember it so much now since the internet went mayday for a few days. But still, we had a good time there.

Sometimes I felt like these dreams are sort of like clues. Remember when I dreamt about dzmah fighting someone like a ninja. Yes, adzimah wins off course and it is related to the seminar we attended where adzimah won the towel. And the opponent in the dream was one of our team mates. It may sound cliche or childish but still...

Dreams are kind of like riddles, I don't know the answer yet. But this dream is a beautiful dream.