SYAWAL

A letter arrive from my cousin, a card sending good wishes, and sending luck for the upcoming tests. But one paragraph in her letter that I personally hate and always evade of.

She wrote;

" There's a lot of things we have been thru all dis time. x lme lg, msg-2 ikut hala tuju hidup msg-2. Dah x cam biasa. So, I believe after dis we won't be able to meet each other much like always."

There, the farewell part. I know one day, all of us will arrive at the junction of life. Each and everyone of us will follow their own road. Leaving most of the things behind as a sacrifice.

Why must there be that road of selfishness. The road which only one of us will follow. I'm sure we will adapt to that road, but aren't we missing something?

The eid doesn't seem to hold as much festivity like it usually does. I am still being traumatized by those past tragedies. If only I could turn back time. My life were not at peace after the incident.

Fireworks burn your money, it could burn houses, it could kill. It appear for a short while and it disappear. But why most people still spending huge sums of money to buy fireworks?

I bought this using my Raya money out of curiosity. I've always wondered why most teenagers and adults collect these models. Not just that, some spend hundred of dollars buying these so called toys. But now I know, it's not the model that intriguing but the process of making it. I spent most of my days assembling these fragile dolls. No wonder many were sold at a high price. There are very delicate, even the planwork was 6 pages long. The Gundam lost an arm, yup, very delicate.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 27th 2009.

I missed acap's open house because I was not feeling very well today. And so I went to the clinic. There were so many people there, with different expressions on their faces. I met my old Japanese neighbour, her daughter is very friendly. Sabrina is her name, I had so much fun with a stranger at a clinic today. So innocent and dainty, her mother is very beautiful as well. There were those Eid concerts airing on TV. The girl even memorize our Raya songs, and not just one of them. Even I, whom 17 years had lived in Malaysia never ever once completely memorize the song. But a 7 year-old, so how could I not be ashamed of myself. But thats not the point.

The point is, how was I when I was a kid? Am I as friendly as Sabrina? I find it hard to socialize with adults and children, I spend my days being alone with myself. Now I am a grown adult, I've changed, maybe when I was little I used to talk a lot and now I am being cocky and quiet. I wonder how other's looked at me, are they still looking at the same old kid or a complete stranger. I don't want to welcome such change.