ENIGMA

 " I know there are people who say all this things don't happen. I know that this will be stories someday, but right now we are alive and in this moment, I swear we are infinite. "

Quoted from the movie "Perks of Being a Wallflower."  One of my favorite from 2012. Today on the other hand is the 1st of january 2013, a year older. Survived another end of the world predictions. This new year's eve does not seem to feel the way as it is. We didn't have any new year celebrations, everyone were far apart and busy with their own ordeals. We just sat in our room and do things just like any other day except that the sounds of fireworks chimes through the walls and colorful lights fills the black sky. How time runs like life is a race.

I was the same as I was, Personal preferences to me new year resolution aren't necessary at a certain date. I will make it as I go through life. But new year always gave me that feeling of change, and chance. When the clock strikes 12 and the lights marks the night, I feel that an opportunity has arisen. Like you are welcoming something into yourself. But it is a good feeling nonetheless.

I have been staying at home doing regressive deeds for a while and always pondering whether to get a part time job. I always feel lazy and procrastinate when I have the chance to. I felt burdened spending a whole lot of money that was not earned by me. But I am doing a slight progress, like going to the gym, maintains the distance to god and do some side business related. But it is not enough, I still feel empty.
It is kind of hard to get happy nowadays, I don't know what I want exactly, what to feed this thoughts of mine. I ponder on what I like to do when I was younger. I've tried but it feels the same. I want to blame it on Bipolar Disorder but I've tried my best to avoid that.
If you would to understand my feelings, a piece of motion art have described it perfectly.

A lot of loss

My status now is that I am still waiting for a call to continue my studies to a degree level. While mentioning that, a chinese businessman I met recently told me that study is a waste of time and that I should work instead and start from there. I've been holding on to that thought for a little while now. I'll just follow where the river takes me.

I guess that it is for the start of a new book. And here you are reading fragments of my thoughts. Welcome two thousand and thirteen.