PAINT

Whenever I paint, I felt this uneasy feelings. It feels like I am forcing myself to do something that is not me. I can't give birth to art with painting, I just can't make it live. It is a very different feeling, it is like painting my life with the color gray. Painting is just not me.

Unsatisfied, everytime.

I am confused between hopes and desires. What I want in life exactly? I couldn't answer it. I hate this part right here.

Dulu duniaku hilang warna, sekarang ia hilang arah.

MAYDAY

Day passes swiftly without any mercy. Without waiting. Burden by burden lifted, another step towards the darker side of life. The darkside which dependable on us to brighten it.

I like finish papers early and hanging out by the open hall. Those smiles, those laughter. Will I see or beheard it again. Will there be people like Asslam in the next phase, will there be 'pending' ,'busuuk' or 'chillah bro' echoing through the corridor. Will I see those smiles again, will we meet each other again? Those bright green clothes that you wear, will the green last or will it fade to gray...

Around 3 or 4 papers, then we will bid farewell. Imagine when we step out of the school on the last day. Thoughts will start roam in your mind and tell you that you will never set foot here again. Not anymore.

A long sigh and it is the end. Just like that.

CONCERN

"Lelaki ini pandangannya dari luar ke dalam. Maknanya dari muka, bentuk badan, ukuran dada dan lentikan pinggul, kemudian baru lah kedalam hati. Jadi untuk mereka masuk kedalam hati perempuan tu perkara yang terlebih susah. Kerana sebelum masuk kedalam perlu lalu luaran. Berbeza dengan wanita yang dari dalam kemudian baru keluar.

Sebab itu ibu-ibu senang memujuk anak mereka, berbanding bapa-bapa yang hanya tau pujuk dengan belikan permainan.

Magic kan?"

I pick this up from one of my favorite blog.

Next topic, I couldn't help but to notice on the Yahoo news that Iceberg floats. We were the one's who did this. Why blame 2012, if this continues, it might be earlier than we expected.

REFLECT

Each day, each burden is lifted but that is not all. Each day passes, the more you feel scared. Not only about the results or not getting ready for exams but the future. The adulthood, the real cruel world they say. Are you ready for that, come to think that the last paper will mark our freedom. No... The last paper play the role as the key to the next level. Just like video games, the level gets hard and harder.

Does freedom even exist? Define freedom?

We are never be free. We always wanting that key to freedom but no, we only have the key to more powerful problems. Where is the key to freedom anyway? All our lives will be chased by that problems. We can run from it, but it just keep getting back.

Money, status... all the adults always on the search for that.

When we hand over the last papers, we hand over our freedom. The freedom that we always on the look for... it is right in front of our eyes. Our time here, our golden age is the so called freedom. Those papers, reflecting either the darker side of the future or vice versa.

" What is it that you look so bright in that reflection?

Is it the future or is it the past that shines...?"

100%

The 100% GEMPAK STARZ '09 was damn awesome. Went there without any intention hence the camera phone. After experiencing a pinch of this event, blame SPM... I am so anticipating The Comic Fiesta. Now I know the potential of the Malaysian comic industries. They also sell cheap graphic novels. I bought 7.

Speaking of buying, I also bought Fatal Frame 2, since I love the Fatal frame series so what the heck. I can't wait for to play it after SPM. For better quality pictures of the event, click here.

EXHAUSTED

Jarum jam menandakan lebih kurang sepuluh minit sebelum pukul dua belas malam. Aku, seperti biasa melakukan sedikit ulang kaji untuk mata pelajaran yang bakal kududuki di dewan nanti. Hari sudah lewat malam, mataku semakin lama semakin layu memandang tepat ke arah bantal yang empuk seolah-olah memanggilku untuk memeluknya. Perkataan didalam buku seakan menari dengan nada tarian yang mengutuk. Aku tahu apa yang kubaca sekarang ini hampir mustahil untuk diterima otak yang kepenatan. Tetapi sanubari enggan mendengar kata-kata kesat yang dilemparkan oleh minda dan aku masih terus berjuang. Lantas, aku menekan punat di komputer ribaku yang berdekatan. Aku tidak dapat menahan lagi mendengar jeritan minda yang melunturkan keadaan. Dengan pantas, jari-jemariku menari-nari menekan papan kekunci. Mataku tidak lepas melihat skrin yang berwarna-warni. Dengan azam yang mencecah langit. Akhirnya aku berpuas hati, siap juga post untuk hari ini.

SPM III

SPM DAY II- ACT 1: IF YOU CANT BEAT EM, GET EVEN

The nervous breakdown or the hypertension had already fade off. You have seen familiar faces and have adapt through. Except when you take a certain paper, you start to imagine the future. How would it be if you fail this. What will you work as, what will your cousin think of you. Things can get really hard, and the pressure rises so fast that it make your head feel dizzy and you start to vomit. I may be exaggerating but hey, this is SPM. The turning point.

Sometimes there are questions like, " Is this it?" clouding in your head. When things get easy you either gain too much confidence or lose it. It is either way. Sometimes thing doesn't feel right. Maybe because we expect so much. Another thing is when you start to regret for not studying, You felt like you know this answer somewhere scenario. Thats what I'm talking about.

Sometimes we get too over confident that the paper sometimes trick us.

History was damn hard for me, serve me right I think. When I took the test, I felt like I was being interviewed by bosses. I explain to them why I didn't do well on History paper. Funny, many relevant reasons popping out of my head. The more paper you take, the more you realize the importance of SPM and the burden it carries. SPM is not only about what university you will get but about your job. About how much income you will make, what car you will drive. Each subject done, each burden lifted. So if you can't beat the papers, get even with it.